Recovering the myth of mentoring

One of the myths of the modern Western mind is that myths are somehow less real than reality.  They are just make-believe stories. Not so. Myths and metaphors are central to how the right hemisphere of our brains captures the deeper and wider truths of the world we live in and how it works. One of the great Greek myths has given the leadership world the word Mentor, which is seen as a key conversation in the leader’s toolkit. Typically, when training mentors, whether it be for business, social, or non-profit leadership, we tell the myth about where the word mentor originated from. It goes something like, ‘when Odysseus went off the Trojan wars, he left behind his young son Telemachus. He called on his old friend Mentor and put him in oversight over his son with the famous words “teach him everything you know” – and that is where the name mentor comes from’. The problem is that this version of the myth, that has schooled thousands or leaders in mentoring….is itself a myth, or an incomplete myth.  

The actual myth goes like this. Odysseus did go off to war and he did say to his old friend mentor, “teach him everything you know”. (So far so good) But there are two vital truths that have been lost from this popular version of the myth. Firstly, Mentor wasn’t a mentor – he was an elder.  Secondly, Mentor didn’t do the real mentoring – Athena did.  

Mentor wasn’t a mentor – he was an elder 

We have become so caught up on the name Mentor, in naming a quality of leadership conversation, that we have lost sight of the fact that Mentor was not primarily a mentor (as we currently use the word) – he was an elder. Mentor was Odysseus’s elder and so Odysseus, who saw the value of eldership, gave this gift to his son. Nelson Mandela – a global icon of an elder – had elders integrated into his life from birth to death. He recognised his utter indebtedness to the wisdom, perspective, neutrality, courage and insight of his elders across his life span to shape who he became. Mandela’s view of the non-negotiable importance of elders was perfectly summed up by Reuel Khoza[1] when he wisely noted that ‘leadership is formed in the cradle of elders’. Mentor was such a cradle, an elder, to Odysseus and it is no surprise that he wanted his son to have the same cradle.

By losing sight of the reality that Mentor was actually an elder, mentoring has been relegated to, ‘teach me all that you know about skills development, managing your way through organisational politics, career development, career sponsorship and personal development’. It can be all of those things. Elders are mentors (in the common usage of that word). 

But not all mentors are elders. 

Elders, or what I am calling Legacy Mentors, raise the game of leaders so they look at context, history, the whole, the deeper and wider purpose and meaning of what is happening, not just at work but the whole of life itself. On top of this they recover the centrality of humility, kindness, courage, generosity and speaking truth to power. Such elders, or Legacy Mentors, help a leader have the existential developmental conversations that no one around them seems to be having.  Why are you here? What will your legacy in your life be? Who are you becoming? Why does your organisation exist in the world? Who does your life exist for? (The kind of seminal questions raised by that other famous myth of King Arthur and his knights, such as Parsival). 

Kirsten Powers, CNN analyst and New York Times best seller, talks about a pivotal point in her mid-fifties where she said ‘one of my life turning points was asking myself “who do I want to be?……I am supposed to be, at this point in my life, becoming an elder”’. And there are thousands of experienced leaders asking themselves exactly the same question. Who will help the Samantha Powell’s and the plethora of others like her, who are in the second half of life asking themselves on the early morning commuter train, or in the coffee queue between back to back meetings, questions like – ‘who am I beyond this job? What is the true end in mind of my life - not my death, but my legacy, because that is what will outlive me? The need for all of our leaders – both experienced and emerging – is to have the opportunity to have the original reality of mentoring – an elder, a Legacy Mentor. We are used to saying to leaders, ‘you need to get a mentor, but the real myth of Mentor should hear us saying, ‘you need an elder, a legacy mentor’.

Mentor didn’t do the real mentoring – Athena did. 

I have long learned that my sons have little appreciation for the music, book, podcasts, articles, advice etc – that I have found most helpful. Or, in Odysseus language, the person who was a great elder for Odysseus (i.e. Mentor) is not necessarily the right elder for your kids (i.e. Telemachus) This leads us to the second myth of the myth. It turned out that Mentor wasn’t much use to Telemachus. Odysseus hope and request weren’t working well. History tells us that the young Telemachus was pretty ineffectual by all accounts. Enter stage left the Goddess Athena. Athena comes to Telemachus disguised as Mentor, but she brings an entirely different quality of conversation that really did change things for this young man. The Goddess Athena was the perfect blend of what would be regarded these days as the Masculine and Feminine. Athena was the goddess of warfare and wisdom, of courage and creativity, of justice and inspiration. Interestingly it is the same integrated blend of qualities that Mandela developed across his life span. In the ancient writings the human soul, the depth of our humanity and wisdom, are always regarded as feminine and Mentor was ineffective without the soul work of Athena. Elders, (legacy mentors) work with the leaders in their ‘outer’ game of choosing the right battles, their strategy, their courage, their pursuit of justice, the ‘doing’ part of leadership, but they equally integrate this with the leaders ‘inner’ game of creativity, intuition, inspiration, wisdom, kindness, generosity, the ‘being’, the soul. They also bring the ‘higher’ dimension to the conversation, from perspective right through to spirituality.

Recovering the fullness of the myth of Mentor is essential if we are to grow this generation of current and emerging leaders and grow a new generation of elders. We need mentors who are elders, legacy mentors, people who have made the deeper journey within their own life, people who have embraced and integrated their Athena within the face of their Mentor. 

[1] Let Africa Lead   Reuel J. Khoza

image http://lesliepetersonsapp.blogspot.com/2017/05/athena-telemachus-and-origin-of-word.html