Lost Words Of Transformation
In my last blog I said I was heading back to the Sahara Desert.
I did.
I’ve just returned.
The experience was profound. I sense, quite possibly, transformative.
I made a promise to myself in the desert not to write about the actual experience until the new year.
I will honour that.
But there is one little insight I had there which I will share now.
Transformation is such a deep journey, rooted in our bodies, hearts, emotions, minds and souls and so it is no surprise that it is very hard to find the words to describe to yourself, let alone others, what is going on. And even when we do it is often in hindsight and a very imperfect offering.
As I struggled with this challenge again myself in these recent days, I was reminded how religions in their ancient, original forms did find words. Words that did not box in the experience, reduce them to dogmas, or hammers to beat people over the head with, but more like candles to explore unexplored places; more like springs to launch yourself from than bricks to cage yourself in. Over the centuries human-made, power-based, tribal-consciousness driven dogma has weaponised those same words, sucked the light and life out of them, have alienated and turned a generation cold to what was originally inspired to give life.
In the midst of the desert I found myself seeing if the dry bones of some of those ancient word-intentions could be made to live again and be (for me, definitely and for you, hopefully) a needed guiding beacon, a source of light, hope, encouragement and guidance.
So, here are a few that I found myself rehearsing.
God. The origin of the word simply means ‘Living Presence’. Alcoholics Anonymous captured this beautifully when they said, ‘we came to believe that a power, a living presence, greater than our selves could restore us to sanity’. Transformation, to change the form of some aspect of our lives, needs transcendence of some kind to ascend us above, or beyond, or through, where we are stuck right now.
Holy. The origin of the word was not about perfection and certain failure, but about the search for wholeness, completeness, integration. To be whole is to be healed. All of those disowned and fragmented parts of ourselves become re-integrated into all of who we are. The hidden parts of ourselves are welcomed without shame. Everything belongs.
Salvation. AA Step 1 ‘We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – or ego, or success, or power hunger, or self-loathing, or control, or whatever your drug of choice is – and that our lives had become unmanageable’.
Repent. The story we tell ourselves everyday has shaped who and how we are and we stay that way. It shapes how we feel, behave right now. Change your story. Change the narrative inside your head to change your life.
Sin. There is a best version of ourselves. There isn’t a day that goes by that we aren’t aware of a possible better version of ourselves. Most times when we aim at the target of the better version, we miss the bulls-eye -sometimes by a little and sometimes by a lot.
Forgiveness. When I’m hurting, I want to strike back at the person who I feel (real or imagined) caused me harm. I own this feeling but I choose not to make them pay. And when it is me that hurts me, I choose not to make myself pay either.
Discipline. I only learn a new way by practicing it, day after day, step after step. It’s not much fun to start with but it changes me in ways I’d hoped it would. I practice my way into ‘becoming’. No one single trip to the gym made me fit, no single bread-free meal lost me weight, but regular practice did.
Sacrifice. If ego limits my world to ‘me’, then I choose to step beyond it to become a bigger person
Serving. Contribution keeps my growing edges supple and expanding from a meaningful core to the benefitting of others.
“Words:
friends, guides
anchors and north stars
doors, candles
springs, balms
moments, place-holders.
…But never final,
last-words
only servants to the
true experience
of being alive”